So... I turn 31 on Sunday. I must say... my 30th year was indeed crazy. I got a new job... had an extremely amazing opportunity... and learned a lot about myself also.
As i look forward into the future... i wonder what my 31st year will hold. Will it be everything i want it to be? Only if i push the past out of my head and start looking at each day as a new opportunity. If i continue to focus on the trails that I've survived and wondering "why me" in all of the craziness that i've been through i will forever stay stuck in the past. All things in time... yes... its true... but if i don't start looking forward with renewed optimism and looking at the opprotunities that i have before me... then i will not be able to accomplish my goals within the time frame that i have laid out for myself. Changes are coming before the end of the year... Big changes... There is a grand opportunity which is just around the corner and i know if i can align my intentions, my thoughts, and my actions, that it will come to pass. If i can't find alignment though... i'll likely never reach my goal. Over the past two months or so i dipped my toes in "love" however it did not seem to be reciprocated on the same level that i was giving it... or if it was then i was blind to it.
This winter i am going it alone... Something that i don't typically prefer to do during the fall / winter months but i think for my own personal growth its something that i have to do. A lot of the habits that i had created for myself over the past year are starting to fall apart. Truth be told... I'm kind of happy about that because they were not the safest habits. In time... i'll find new things to occupy my time but as of right now i am struggling to find meaning in the every day things that i do. I know its there... each action has a result and each result has another action after it. But... if i can't get a hold of my situation i'm likely to end up back here... writing a similar post a few days before my 32nd birthday.
I would love to say this time is different... but honestly i still feel like a 22 year old without a hold on things. lost in a world that has no meaning. I guess we make our own meaning... and the things that we live for ultimately determine our course of action. I am not who i once was... and while i always look back at the past wondering why things went wrong i know ultimately it was my choices that determined this past for me.
I guess what I'm trying to get across is.... It's time i start making better choices.
