Times are changing....

So, it seems like this weekend is going to be a good one. I'm optimistic and hopeful that one of the things i have been trying to manifest for the last few months will finally come through bigger and better than i can possibly imagine.

At this point i have to tie up loose ends over the course of the next month and get ready for the next great adventure. I am hoping for one thing... have a fall back plan incase it doesnt materalize... and have an emergency plan incase everything falls through. Honestly though.. i know in my heart that what i want the most will come to be very soon. Then... my life will get really interesting.

I heard a bit of sad news about a friends situation last night and it brought up feelings from a time long ago... i see history starting to repeat and while i want to do something to help... i am not in a position to and if i try to help in anyway it could create a codependant situation which is not what i would want. At this point... in that situation... i think it is better to give console from a far and hope for the best. If she truly wants it to work out... it will... she just has to believe there is a silver lining and know that this is only a minor stepping stone on the road to a better life.

Tonight we may have someone coming over the house for dinner, which is cool because generally its just me and my roommate. After dinner, i dont have any concrete plans yet but i do intend on having a good night. We have plenty of beer.. and i recently downloaded Doom on my PS4 and i have yet to try it. If the roommate decides him and his friend are going to watch movies all night, i'll probably head out to the city and see whats going on.

Honestly i am still getting "back on track" from being without my pills for 5 days... 3-4 years ago i couldnt even handle going without for a day or two... so the fact i made it through 5 days without a major emotional breakdown is progress... however it was stupid of me to risk a major emotional breakdown... I'll try to learn from the experience and move forward with a bit more thought when it comes time to my pills running low.

My horoscope says i have money coming to me from a career or venture that i am involved in... I can think of one thing in particular that i am hoping is the source. Time will tell though. Just have to believe it to be true... and it will become true.

Tomorrow... in the morning i do not have much going on. Likely i'll spend the morning cleaning up the house and relaxing. The weather is supposed to be nice so i may try to go fishing. In the evening i have to go into work so that way i can confirm there was no damage from the planned power outage. Sunday i do not have much planned and i believe the heat is finally going to break so that's a good thing... Monday... i am going to visit my uncle and time permitting... may stop by a friends for their BBQ.

I'll write more this weekend if the moment strikes me but otherwise it probably wont be until next week that the next entry gets put in...

My 30th year is already half over... and already so much has changed.. I am Optimistic that the second half of my 30th year will be just as fun and exciting... with changes a plenty... and hopefully... i'll be on track by my 31st birthday.... to start doing what i truly want to do with my life... Become a travel blogger... and travel photographer. If it's in the cards.. and truly what i'm meant to do... then the universe will make it a reality.

Writers block....

I know it may sound foolish to say i have writers block while I'm writing this entry... but... over the last month or so i found i am not writing in my Journal... normally its a way to express my final thoughts on the day but i haven't been doing it lately... I gotta get back into the habit.

I'm having a hard time breathing since i got out of work. It hit 90 here today and it was an air quality alert day.... I really gotta quit smoking. Soon... very very soon.

Fish tonight for dinner, with roasted potatoes and a veggie... Should be good

Time to start a new adventure.

Sometimes you just gotta let it out....

Right now.... my mind is going through complex chemical reactions that my body is trying to adjust to. The withdrawal symptoms of increased serotonin and dopamine are throwing me for a loop today. Between grinding my teeth... Very fast typing... and not sleeping well last night... i am in the middle of what i can only hope to be a short period of manic thinking and speedy behavior... along with the teary eyed joys of living this moment in time with lots of love around me and in me to give.

Today i made a hard decision as to the future of my life and while i am waiting for feedback from trusted sources... at this point it is really out of my hands into the hands of those people with whom i trust my future.

Things honestly have been fantastic for me since late march and with new prospects and people entering my life each weeks seems to get better and better. Joy has replaced sorrow... People have replaced isolation... and Abundance has finally started to flow into my life after i willed it there for so long without it appearing. My Family is happy... I am Happy.. I really have a lot to be thankful for. Over the years there has been so much heart ache and struggle that i never thought i would see the blue sky again... but there it is... shining brightly on all the land and i can do is well up tears at the magnificent beauty that is life. I am truly greatful for the life that i have. I always have been even if my attitude wasnt always the most positive. I have found through much thought on the matter that the power of positive thinking really can change ones life. I'm grateful for my friends... my family... my work... and most of all you... for people a source of endless hours of therapy.

5/3/2016 - Boom

Today is a good day. As of now, i am waiting for work to start. Today will be a busy day, by choice. I have a meeting right at 8:00am. I feel i've been dealing with writers block lately. Most of the things that i have written in the last month or so were mostly numbers, no actually intelligent sentences. Such is life i guess, my muse is gone so i dont really no where to get inspiration from. That will change soon enough i suppose. Today... i am cutting down on the number of cigarettes i have. I've had 2 so far this morning... and i am going to try to end the day at between 10-15 total. I will be curious to see if dennis sticks to his "i'm not going to smoke" that he said yesterday. At this point i was ready to give up on all the healthy initiatives that i started thinking about last fall.. I felt that it was a lost cause, but a conversation yesterday made me question if it's worth another shot. we'll see i suppose.