So... i am shifting my focus. I am no longer going to be caught up in the pursuits of my peers. Drinking, Drugs, and Sex... have fallen out of favor in my mind. Instead, i will look for Success. Strong Connections, and New Experiences. I will be focusing on myself rather than on the hunt.
As far as i am concerned... in time... she will find me.
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Monday, March 28, 2016
Reclaiming Personal Power.
I'm in a shit mood today. I didn't want to wake up. I just wanted to sleep. Things aren't better today. If anything they are about the same as yesterday, and yesterday was a pretty shitty day. It could be the fact that i spent Thursday, and Friday night drinking... and the fact that i don't really have friends... and didn't really have the most joyous Easter... i could be the fact that I've been single for a while... or that my career seems to have stalled over the last two years... it could be the fact that my dad is dying of a disease that is incurable... it could be a lot of things....
I know what its not though... its not time to give up. The moment i give up... is the moment i stop trying to improve everything. There have been more bad days in recent memory than there have been good days. And a lot of that has to do with the hopelessness of my situation. I want to be thin... i want to have a girlfriend... i want to have more money... and i want to be happy... and these things are what are weighing heavy on my soul... because i am not thin... i don't have a girlfriend... i don't have a lot of money... and I'm not happy.
I keep asking the question "why me" yet there is no response. I'm waiting for the weather to break, so i can finally get outside and enjoy the weather... but it seems like 40's and rain are all thats in store for the next few weeks.
I know what its not though... its not time to give up. The moment i give up... is the moment i stop trying to improve everything. There have been more bad days in recent memory than there have been good days. And a lot of that has to do with the hopelessness of my situation. I want to be thin... i want to have a girlfriend... i want to have more money... and i want to be happy... and these things are what are weighing heavy on my soul... because i am not thin... i don't have a girlfriend... i don't have a lot of money... and I'm not happy.
I keep asking the question "why me" yet there is no response. I'm waiting for the weather to break, so i can finally get outside and enjoy the weather... but it seems like 40's and rain are all thats in store for the next few weeks.
Thursday, March 24, 2016
The Long Weekend...
So, Easter is this Sunday. Thankfully my work is pretty cool in the sense that i have good Friday off. At this point i am not really sure what i have planned for my day off but, i will figure it out tomorrow when the day arrives. I may (or may not) Visit my parents tomorrow but that is not set in stone just yet.
The adjustments to my pay are starting to go through. I lowered my 401K contribution (down to 1%) and also adjusted my exemptions for my taxes (up to 2 from 0). At this point, it should help with some of the money issues i have been having these past few months. While my main goal should be getting out of debt as fast as possible, instead, the extra money is going to serve as a framework for saving. I figure if i put 10% of my income away every week (into savings), then in theory by the time fall rolls around i should have a decent amount saved up that i can use to pay off my debts. Granted, i'd prefer to have them paid off sooner than later, but in reality putting the money into savings is basically the same as paying them off, except for the fact that they will be paid off once i have the total amount needed to pay of the bill(s).
On the home front, I don't really have to much to report. Things are going well... I've cut down on the number of days that i am drinking. Last week i didn't drink at all during the week and only had 1 beer when i was home (the rest were at a bar when i was socially drinking with friends). I think i am going to continue this trend. It does me no good to be getting drunk every night so i feel it's probably in my best interest to lay off the sauce. I have yet to start working out. Over the last 4 months it has really become a low priority in my life. I am hoping that this will change once April hits. I have all of the tools that i need in order to create a fitness routine that will be both aggressive and beneficial to my well being.
My goals for 2016 are very simple and while in years past i may have said "these are my goals," right now they are truly my goals.
1.) I will get my weight between 200lbs and 220lbs by the end of 2016.
2.) I will reduce my debt by 5,000 and 15,000 dollars by the end of 2016
3.) I will increase my income by 5,000 - 20,000 dollars by the end of 2016
Over the next few weeks i will be putting more effort into making additional income, Eating healthy, Starting an active lifestyle, and managing my money in a more responsible manner. I will, (with newly acquired knowledge) be trying to create new habits, modify existing habits, and find a "keystone habit" that i will be able to use in order create a life that i truly am grateful for. Often times i do get depressed when looking at my situation and this can become a problem in the sense that, it can take a few weeks until i get back on track. Recently this has been happening more often than not and i am going to be trying to take a more positive frame of mind going forward.
The little rewards will help to create the change that i am looking for. "Small wins" as they are called can be the catalyst for big changes in ones life so i am hoping that instead of thinking "we were not meant to walk this world alone" i will be more so thinking "I am walking this world on my own path" and disspell some of the terrible thoughts i have been thinking all winter. One thing to note is that the weather is getting warmer, and the days are getting longer. While it's entirely possible that i may have seasonal affective disorder, i refuse to consider that my depression is anything less than an issue i can conquer.
The adjustments to my pay are starting to go through. I lowered my 401K contribution (down to 1%) and also adjusted my exemptions for my taxes (up to 2 from 0). At this point, it should help with some of the money issues i have been having these past few months. While my main goal should be getting out of debt as fast as possible, instead, the extra money is going to serve as a framework for saving. I figure if i put 10% of my income away every week (into savings), then in theory by the time fall rolls around i should have a decent amount saved up that i can use to pay off my debts. Granted, i'd prefer to have them paid off sooner than later, but in reality putting the money into savings is basically the same as paying them off, except for the fact that they will be paid off once i have the total amount needed to pay of the bill(s).
On the home front, I don't really have to much to report. Things are going well... I've cut down on the number of days that i am drinking. Last week i didn't drink at all during the week and only had 1 beer when i was home (the rest were at a bar when i was socially drinking with friends). I think i am going to continue this trend. It does me no good to be getting drunk every night so i feel it's probably in my best interest to lay off the sauce. I have yet to start working out. Over the last 4 months it has really become a low priority in my life. I am hoping that this will change once April hits. I have all of the tools that i need in order to create a fitness routine that will be both aggressive and beneficial to my well being.
My goals for 2016 are very simple and while in years past i may have said "these are my goals," right now they are truly my goals.
1.) I will get my weight between 200lbs and 220lbs by the end of 2016.
2.) I will reduce my debt by 5,000 and 15,000 dollars by the end of 2016
3.) I will increase my income by 5,000 - 20,000 dollars by the end of 2016
Over the next few weeks i will be putting more effort into making additional income, Eating healthy, Starting an active lifestyle, and managing my money in a more responsible manner. I will, (with newly acquired knowledge) be trying to create new habits, modify existing habits, and find a "keystone habit" that i will be able to use in order create a life that i truly am grateful for. Often times i do get depressed when looking at my situation and this can become a problem in the sense that, it can take a few weeks until i get back on track. Recently this has been happening more often than not and i am going to be trying to take a more positive frame of mind going forward.
The little rewards will help to create the change that i am looking for. "Small wins" as they are called can be the catalyst for big changes in ones life so i am hoping that instead of thinking "we were not meant to walk this world alone" i will be more so thinking "I am walking this world on my own path" and disspell some of the terrible thoughts i have been thinking all winter. One thing to note is that the weather is getting warmer, and the days are getting longer. While it's entirely possible that i may have seasonal affective disorder, i refuse to consider that my depression is anything less than an issue i can conquer.
Monday, March 21, 2016
One Day at a Time
So... my long term goal - Moving to Colorado, is my long term goal. But, as of today i am in no position to be moving so i need to focus on the things i can do today, right now... to improve my life.
I have outlined a set of goals that i want to accomplish this week. It's a simple list and i feel i should be more than capable to achieve them. This week is going to be a tight week overall because i have zero dollars, and a negative bank account. That will change on Thursday... and this will be the last week that my balance goes negative on my checking account. Thursday i am taking a half day because in the afternoon i am getting some dental work done. Friday i have the day off due to the fact that it's good Friday and the plant and office will be closed for the holiday.
My goals this week are simple. Try to create habits... i need to find a "keystone" habit... something that i can create or alter in my life that should... in theory... have a ripple effect on the rest of my life and bring about long lasting change.
I have outlined a set of goals that i want to accomplish this week. It's a simple list and i feel i should be more than capable to achieve them. This week is going to be a tight week overall because i have zero dollars, and a negative bank account. That will change on Thursday... and this will be the last week that my balance goes negative on my checking account. Thursday i am taking a half day because in the afternoon i am getting some dental work done. Friday i have the day off due to the fact that it's good Friday and the plant and office will be closed for the holiday.
My goals this week are simple. Try to create habits... i need to find a "keystone" habit... something that i can create or alter in my life that should... in theory... have a ripple effect on the rest of my life and bring about long lasting change.
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
2 Weeks until Spring....
It's March 8th, and at this point winter can't end fast enough. For the most part the winter was spent smiling and laughing but over the last month and a half or so depression has been hitting hard. I am giving up on the "social" networks... I've deleted all of my social networking accounts with the exception of blogger and instagram. At this point i feel spending hours each day watching facebook news feeds and cycling through the women on dating websites is more depressing than well... anything i've done in the last 6 months.
It is time for a refocusing of goals and an adjustment in thinking. My goal for the year is to land a promotion by the end of the year. If i keep up my end of the deal, i dont see any reason why... by the end of May, i dont have a title change to something closer to system administrator.
So... I've been making long term plans since i was 14.... and when i was younger i was a lot better at achieving my goals. I believe this is because on the day to day things that went on in my life... i was a bit distracted from the long term goals that they just happened to happen when i was expecting them to rather than being obsessed with them on a daily basis.
By 2018.... I will have accomplished 3 Major Things in my life.
1.) I will be earning more than $65,000 a year from my Employment
2.) I will have paid off more than $40,000 in total Debt
3.) I will be at or below 175lbs
These are my primary goals for the next two years.
It is time for a refocusing of goals and an adjustment in thinking. My goal for the year is to land a promotion by the end of the year. If i keep up my end of the deal, i dont see any reason why... by the end of May, i dont have a title change to something closer to system administrator.
So... I've been making long term plans since i was 14.... and when i was younger i was a lot better at achieving my goals. I believe this is because on the day to day things that went on in my life... i was a bit distracted from the long term goals that they just happened to happen when i was expecting them to rather than being obsessed with them on a daily basis.
By 2018.... I will have accomplished 3 Major Things in my life.
1.) I will be earning more than $65,000 a year from my Employment
2.) I will have paid off more than $40,000 in total Debt
3.) I will be at or below 175lbs
These are my primary goals for the next two years.
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Alternative Sources of Income - Wednesday Morning
I am looking to go into business for myself. The easiest thing i can think of doing is going into computer consulting. Based on the advice a CEO gave me a while ago. "Don't quit your day job," and I don't plan to. This will basically be a secondary source of income. My goal is to work an extra 10 hour a week doing house calls and contract work. A contractor I know that does network cable installation (among other things), Informed me about OnForce a few years back. It's a contracting website where you can bid on jobs. So.. i figure by the end of the month i'll have signed up for the site and start bidding on jobs. Ideally, i'd be looking at putting in the 10 hours over the course of a weekend and then, time permitting, i'll probably expand to more hours.
Contract work in IT pays more than a regular 9-5, for instance i could charge upwards of $65 an hour depending on the scope of the project. While contract work will be the primary (secondary) source of income for my own business, i will likely try to expand by word of mouth as well to do house calls after 7pm during the week. I'm sure this will be a "slow growth" kind of deal.. but any extra money will help. One of the things that is currently preventing me from going down this road is that for the contracting, i will need to have a business setup. Meaning sole proprietorship, business insurance, and a business checking account. I've always been an entrepreneur, from my early days as a kid from selling jokes around the pool for a quarter to running around the neighborhood washing cars.
With that said... i want to have a firm business plan in place before i actually start the venture because if i do it without one i will likely get lost in the process, heaven forbid there is rapid expansion, not having a business plan would pretty much doom me from the start. I have been looking at business plan templates online - and i did create a business plan for Return the Vote, even though it wasnt exactly the best. The one i am looking at to base the business off of is a bit more professional, has better wording, and basically outlines all of the things needed for the plan.
I feel this will be a good step forward in my career... and with keeping my 8-5 i'll be able to use the extra money generated from my own business to pay down debts, put money into savings, and use the surplus to give to organizations and causes that i believe in.
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It's early wendesday morning. Just before 6:30. When i got up this morning (around 4:30) i couldnt fall back to sleep and rather than be lazy i got out of bed and made a cup of coffee. Here it is two hours later and i'm already at work. Today will be a good day.
Tonight, after work... i am going to stop at the market to pick up some things things that we need for the house, food, paper towels, soap.... stuff like that. Providing i am not extremely tired by the time i finish up dinner... i am going to put in an hour or so working out. I've been really disappointed in the fact that i havent been working out lately. I haven't ever really been consistent with it, save maybe when i was in my early 20's... but the goal is to reach 200lbs before the end of the year so i have 40 pounds or so that i need to lose. with just about 44 weeks left in the year, it would be roughly a pound a week until the end of the year. Diet changes (such as no fast food or snacking) will greatly help the cause but without a proper exercise routine i likely would have alot of loose skin around the midsection, back and butt... something i would prefer to avoid.
Spring is just around the corner and with it comes warmer weather, more time outside, and hopefully better moods in general. This winter has been rather depressing. Between getting dumped by my girlfriend in the fall, a major lack of money which lead to less socializing overall... and helping my roommate through his divorce, my moods have been rather down. That will all change very... very.... soon.
Contract work in IT pays more than a regular 9-5, for instance i could charge upwards of $65 an hour depending on the scope of the project. While contract work will be the primary (secondary) source of income for my own business, i will likely try to expand by word of mouth as well to do house calls after 7pm during the week. I'm sure this will be a "slow growth" kind of deal.. but any extra money will help. One of the things that is currently preventing me from going down this road is that for the contracting, i will need to have a business setup. Meaning sole proprietorship, business insurance, and a business checking account. I've always been an entrepreneur, from my early days as a kid from selling jokes around the pool for a quarter to running around the neighborhood washing cars.
With that said... i want to have a firm business plan in place before i actually start the venture because if i do it without one i will likely get lost in the process, heaven forbid there is rapid expansion, not having a business plan would pretty much doom me from the start. I have been looking at business plan templates online - and i did create a business plan for Return the Vote, even though it wasnt exactly the best. The one i am looking at to base the business off of is a bit more professional, has better wording, and basically outlines all of the things needed for the plan.
I feel this will be a good step forward in my career... and with keeping my 8-5 i'll be able to use the extra money generated from my own business to pay down debts, put money into savings, and use the surplus to give to organizations and causes that i believe in.
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It's early wendesday morning. Just before 6:30. When i got up this morning (around 4:30) i couldnt fall back to sleep and rather than be lazy i got out of bed and made a cup of coffee. Here it is two hours later and i'm already at work. Today will be a good day.
Tonight, after work... i am going to stop at the market to pick up some things things that we need for the house, food, paper towels, soap.... stuff like that. Providing i am not extremely tired by the time i finish up dinner... i am going to put in an hour or so working out. I've been really disappointed in the fact that i havent been working out lately. I haven't ever really been consistent with it, save maybe when i was in my early 20's... but the goal is to reach 200lbs before the end of the year so i have 40 pounds or so that i need to lose. with just about 44 weeks left in the year, it would be roughly a pound a week until the end of the year. Diet changes (such as no fast food or snacking) will greatly help the cause but without a proper exercise routine i likely would have alot of loose skin around the midsection, back and butt... something i would prefer to avoid.
Spring is just around the corner and with it comes warmer weather, more time outside, and hopefully better moods in general. This winter has been rather depressing. Between getting dumped by my girlfriend in the fall, a major lack of money which lead to less socializing overall... and helping my roommate through his divorce, my moods have been rather down. That will all change very... very.... soon.
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