It's been quite a while since i've written. anywhere... My journal has been rather empty lately... and This hasn't gotten the attention it deserves. Life has been rather chaotic lately. I've just about lost my mind chasing someone that i guess you could say... didn't have the same feelings. Since starting second shift... my health has kind of taken a back seat. Which... is not a good thing because well... health is kind of important. On so many levels.
The broken record spins along all the same... just repeating the same thoughts and words.
I am in the process of cleaning up my act. There have been to many risks taken from my mid twenties until about now... and i'm in jeopardy of losing my shit... i really dont know what i should do... i have... 2 friends... (one had left a while back and i dont think they are going to try and come back into my life any time soon) But... i have lots of bar friends... bar friends really are the worst kind of friends. because... the only time you see them is at the bar... I must say... i am kind of glad i went through the experience of the last few months. It's taught me a valuable lesson. Life changes every day... and with each day we have choices... we can either show up or we can bow out... and sometimes its better to bow out than show up... if showing up is going to end up killing you. I guess... in the end.. I'm sorry. Sorry to my family and friends... for being such an asshole over the years. My coworkers are left wondering what the hell is going on..
I see the path i took to get here... just an endless string of dots connected by a thin line of sanity...
I think... going forward... i'll try to keep the smile on my face... more than the frown. because... when i wear the frown... people seem scared.
I lost my way... and i know a shortcut back to the road i'm supposed to be on... So... i'll take that short cut... detox my system... get back into shape... and tell them all that i am free.... just.... in a different way than the way i've been going about it for the last few years.
Here's to life... may the grand adventure... continue for many years to come.
