It's about 9:30am in the morning. I'm out back drinking a coffee and smoking a cigarette. I start my shift in a week... And I'm looking forward to it. I'm about ready to give everything up... Smoking.. drinking.. everything. Mainly because i've been on a bad path the last few months and i need to curb it before anything gets out of hand. Truth is... i got distracted by a pretty face and a sweet girl. Honestly though... if i don't put a stop to it... and get into a good routine soon... then i'll be in a bad spot by the time i turn 31. The goal... of this winter... is to save money... and get on a good path that allows me to lose weight... I'm probably going to be a hermit once the winter hits. I gotta look at my money situation and figure out what I'm going to be making so that way i can get into my own condo by the time march rolls around. It's a short entry today... but next time i write i'll write more... i'm just still waking up so i am not fully a wake and my thoughts are a little scrambled.
have a good week
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Thursday, September 22, 2016
T-Minus 2 Months....
What a crazy year it's been. my 30th year was definitely full of surprises. Over all though, i feel i am ending my 30th year better off than i started. Between a couple of vacations... a new job... new car... and new friends... i am feeling a bit more optimistic than i did when i turned 30. I am looking forward to what my 31st year has in store for me. The one thing i want most between now and my 32nd birthday (14 months) is to find love. I have a been crushing on a woman for most of the year now... and i am hoping in the next couple of months that it turns from a crush into something more. She knows how i feel about her... because i've made it clear... but... i am not rushing into anything with her because through past experiences, i've found that rushing just leads to problems. I did ask her out on a date recently, and while i got a partial answer the other night... nothing was formalized. So... we'll see what this weekend brings.
Today was not the best day overall... Last night i felt ok, but when i woke up this morning around 7 i was in rough shape... my voice basically gave out on me... my stomach wasn't exactly cooperating... and my head hurt like a bastard. I called out of work (first and last time for this year - By choice mainly) and i ended up taking some meds and sleeping until 1pm. I do feel a bit better right now but overall i'd say I'm at a 4 out of 10 for overall "how i feel." I am going to hope in the shower, and then head to CVS and get some cold meds. Right now, it's located mostly in my sinuses so i am hoping that whatever i end up buying i will be able to get rid of the cold by the weekend. I need to get my laundry together and get my room cleaned up... also i need to shave as my beard seems to be coming in thick this week. This coming weekend i don't really have anything planned. I was invited to a friends birthday party this coming sunday between 5-10pm... i may stop in there for a few minutes just to say hey.... also... saturday was the day that i asked the woman out on a date for... and when i last saw her she apologized for not responding to the text... and told me she would love to go to dinner with me. So.. i am hopefully that she wasn't just saying that to make me feel good... and that she honestly had interest in going out on a date with me saturday night. Of course... if she was serious then I'm gonna have to find some place to go get food. I haven't been on a real date in over 3 years so... i gotta try and do it right... an "adult" date... not a little kid date.
With that said... I'm signing off... wish me luck... and hopefully i can shake the remains of this cold.
Today was not the best day overall... Last night i felt ok, but when i woke up this morning around 7 i was in rough shape... my voice basically gave out on me... my stomach wasn't exactly cooperating... and my head hurt like a bastard. I called out of work (first and last time for this year - By choice mainly) and i ended up taking some meds and sleeping until 1pm. I do feel a bit better right now but overall i'd say I'm at a 4 out of 10 for overall "how i feel." I am going to hope in the shower, and then head to CVS and get some cold meds. Right now, it's located mostly in my sinuses so i am hoping that whatever i end up buying i will be able to get rid of the cold by the weekend. I need to get my laundry together and get my room cleaned up... also i need to shave as my beard seems to be coming in thick this week. This coming weekend i don't really have anything planned. I was invited to a friends birthday party this coming sunday between 5-10pm... i may stop in there for a few minutes just to say hey.... also... saturday was the day that i asked the woman out on a date for... and when i last saw her she apologized for not responding to the text... and told me she would love to go to dinner with me. So.. i am hopefully that she wasn't just saying that to make me feel good... and that she honestly had interest in going out on a date with me saturday night. Of course... if she was serious then I'm gonna have to find some place to go get food. I haven't been on a real date in over 3 years so... i gotta try and do it right... an "adult" date... not a little kid date.
With that said... I'm signing off... wish me luck... and hopefully i can shake the remains of this cold.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Late Night
It's late... after 1:30am... i have to get out of bed and be ready for work in less than 5 1/2 hours. I'm not sure why i decided to stay up this late... i just know that I'm up and wide awake. Today (friday) may not be the "best day" mentally.. but i will power through none the less. A lot has happened in the last few weeks. I finally got assigned my shift. 4pm to midnight monday though friday. It was the shift i was hoping for so I'm pretty excited about that. I will be making 15% more thanks to the shift differential and by all standards thats a damn good salary. I don't know if the monthly bonus is based on the differential or the base pay... but none the less a bonus is a bonus so I'm not about to complain. Last weekend things took a turn for the worst in a lot of ways. I went out friday night and lets just say... it didn't end well. At this point... I've given up drinking "almost" entirely. When i go to the bar thats closest to my house... i've been getting soda... water and food this week... And tonight i ventured to my other drinking spot and after a bit of running around with a friend... i got a couple of odouls. Honestly... its not the best beer i ever drank... but consider how the last 4 months have gone... i'll take it if it means being social with people i know at the bar. That was one of the fears about giving up drinking... that i would lose the social aspect of going out and seeing people.. but my fears have been abolished by several good friends that helped reassure me that people like me whether I'm drinking or not... and the fact that its possible to go out and have a good time without getting shitty is a boost. I'll probably go back to... say... a bud light... within a month. but i won't be going down the road of shots or high ABV any time soon. Also... on nights when i do plan on drinking more than just odouls and water... i'll get an uber to and from the locations. I know uber isn't that expensive on off nights... and also... since I'm going to be working second shift... i won't be drinking during the week... or doing much else of anything that has an effect on my mental state.
The plan... as i see it... is wake up early... 9-11 in the morning everyday.... go about my business... doctors appointments... massages... auto maintenance.... that sort of thing... then head of to work... work my shift... and after work go to the gym for an hour or two to tire myself out... then head home... take my pills... and head to sleep. and repeat. I won't be spending nearly as much money during the week... and i'll likely cut down on smoking too as a result. I'll definitely be cutting out the random thirsty thursdays... and friday nights will go from "bar hopping" to work oriented. saturdays will still start off much the same... going to get brunch at my cousins... and then from saturday afternoon until sunday night i'll be free to do whatever i want... then come monday morning... wake up... make dinners for the week... and then head to work once its time for my shift.
I really want to do this... make the change... i want to have enough money saved up in my account by the end of the year that i can actually get people decent gifts this year. I also want to have enough money... so that if i owe anything in taxes i won't be completely fucked... My bills will go down soon enough... and i know at this point I'm better off saving up the money and dropping a large sum on my credit cards than i am putting small chunks on it every month that cut into my spending cash because then i just end up using the credit cards again. the ultimate goal is to be debt free within 2 years... i have roughly 35k in debt right now between my car, student loans, and credit cards... and i figure that given my total yearly income it should be possible to get rid of it all within that time frame. Then... its a matter of how well i've built myself at my company... whether or not I'm in a relationship... and whether or not i plan on staying in rhode island long term... that i'll probably look toward buying a house or condo. I know that come this march i'll probably have to find a place to live as my roommate is planning on selling in the spring... I know the type of apartment i want to get into... and i feel that by that point my credit cards will be paid off so all i have to worry about is my car and student loans... this will free up enough money for me to afford the type of place i want to live in.
Health wise i've seen better weeks... tonight was probably the upward climb back to good health. I got sick saturday... slept about 22 hours... and didn't feel like doing anything... basically my sinuses were completely clogged on one side... and i felt miserable... by monday night it moved from my sinuses down to my chest... and breathing and smoking weren't the easiest of tasks... however... i bought meds so it wasn't so bad. Tuesday i went to the gym after eating dinner and that felt really good. I did 30 minutes on the tread mill... walking 3.0 mph... with a heart rate of 145 the entire time... i was dripping in sweat by the time i finished... but when i weighed myself wednesday morning i had crossed back over the 230lb mark... I'm hoping i can remain their. Wednesday night i stayed home.... had a burger on the grill and went to the near by bar to bug a bar tender... it was funny though... because i spent more time talking to her dad than i did her... by 9:30 though i can home... made a budget... and got ready for today... Today i feel ok... i've had a dull headache for most of the day but it has since left. I think it might be the increase in soda.... or just sinus pressure that is remaining from the beginning of the week. Now though... the head ache is gone and i just can't sleep... i don't know if its going to be worth trying... but in about 10 minutes thats exactly what I'm going to do.
The weekend ahead looks like it should be fun. If nothing else... tomorrow night my buddy is playing a show and i haven't seen them play since they got back from their break so i plan on stopping in there... as for saturday... i'll probably do the usual brunch at my cousins.. Earlier in the week a friend had reached out to me and she sounded like she was going through a rough patch. We "sort of" made plans from saturday night so i am hoping that i hear from her. If not... I'm sure i'll find something to do. Sunday... my roommate was talking about going down to one of his friends to watch the game and i may tag along. Of course... anything is possible so what i think will happen now... may turn out completely different... hopefully for the better though.
The plan... as i see it... is wake up early... 9-11 in the morning everyday.... go about my business... doctors appointments... massages... auto maintenance.... that sort of thing... then head of to work... work my shift... and after work go to the gym for an hour or two to tire myself out... then head home... take my pills... and head to sleep. and repeat. I won't be spending nearly as much money during the week... and i'll likely cut down on smoking too as a result. I'll definitely be cutting out the random thirsty thursdays... and friday nights will go from "bar hopping" to work oriented. saturdays will still start off much the same... going to get brunch at my cousins... and then from saturday afternoon until sunday night i'll be free to do whatever i want... then come monday morning... wake up... make dinners for the week... and then head to work once its time for my shift.
I really want to do this... make the change... i want to have enough money saved up in my account by the end of the year that i can actually get people decent gifts this year. I also want to have enough money... so that if i owe anything in taxes i won't be completely fucked... My bills will go down soon enough... and i know at this point I'm better off saving up the money and dropping a large sum on my credit cards than i am putting small chunks on it every month that cut into my spending cash because then i just end up using the credit cards again. the ultimate goal is to be debt free within 2 years... i have roughly 35k in debt right now between my car, student loans, and credit cards... and i figure that given my total yearly income it should be possible to get rid of it all within that time frame. Then... its a matter of how well i've built myself at my company... whether or not I'm in a relationship... and whether or not i plan on staying in rhode island long term... that i'll probably look toward buying a house or condo. I know that come this march i'll probably have to find a place to live as my roommate is planning on selling in the spring... I know the type of apartment i want to get into... and i feel that by that point my credit cards will be paid off so all i have to worry about is my car and student loans... this will free up enough money for me to afford the type of place i want to live in.
Health wise i've seen better weeks... tonight was probably the upward climb back to good health. I got sick saturday... slept about 22 hours... and didn't feel like doing anything... basically my sinuses were completely clogged on one side... and i felt miserable... by monday night it moved from my sinuses down to my chest... and breathing and smoking weren't the easiest of tasks... however... i bought meds so it wasn't so bad. Tuesday i went to the gym after eating dinner and that felt really good. I did 30 minutes on the tread mill... walking 3.0 mph... with a heart rate of 145 the entire time... i was dripping in sweat by the time i finished... but when i weighed myself wednesday morning i had crossed back over the 230lb mark... I'm hoping i can remain their. Wednesday night i stayed home.... had a burger on the grill and went to the near by bar to bug a bar tender... it was funny though... because i spent more time talking to her dad than i did her... by 9:30 though i can home... made a budget... and got ready for today... Today i feel ok... i've had a dull headache for most of the day but it has since left. I think it might be the increase in soda.... or just sinus pressure that is remaining from the beginning of the week. Now though... the head ache is gone and i just can't sleep... i don't know if its going to be worth trying... but in about 10 minutes thats exactly what I'm going to do.
The weekend ahead looks like it should be fun. If nothing else... tomorrow night my buddy is playing a show and i haven't seen them play since they got back from their break so i plan on stopping in there... as for saturday... i'll probably do the usual brunch at my cousins.. Earlier in the week a friend had reached out to me and she sounded like she was going through a rough patch. We "sort of" made plans from saturday night so i am hoping that i hear from her. If not... I'm sure i'll find something to do. Sunday... my roommate was talking about going down to one of his friends to watch the game and i may tag along. Of course... anything is possible so what i think will happen now... may turn out completely different... hopefully for the better though.
Sunday, September 11, 2016
In one year....
In one year... i hope to be in a better place than where i am now.
I hope to have more money in my bank account
I hope to have more friends that reach out to me
I hope that i am in better health, mentally and physically.
I hope that i am no longer a victim of my own bad habits.
I hope that i am older, wiser, and more mature.
I hope these things... because i know these things will happen, provided i take the steps today needed in order to ensure these things happen. And... i will take those steps.... Today.. that are needed... for the things i want a year from now to happen.
I hope to have more money in my bank account
I hope to have more friends that reach out to me
I hope that i am in better health, mentally and physically.
I hope that i am no longer a victim of my own bad habits.
I hope that i am older, wiser, and more mature.
I hope these things... because i know these things will happen, provided i take the steps today needed in order to ensure these things happen. And... i will take those steps.... Today.. that are needed... for the things i want a year from now to happen.
Monday, September 5, 2016
The downside of Crazy....
Lately, while things have been going great for me... there has been an internal battle that many people do not realize is going on. With the added stresses of recently life changes... i've been having a hard time keeping it all together. The motto - Work hard, Play hard - Is really the only thing thats keeping me focused on my goals. But, it comes at a dangerous price for me. I've been smoking more than i typically do... and drinking lately has been a bit... "harder" than i'd prefer. I know in the next week i will get assigned a shift which i'll be starting in october... and honestly once i get the shift is when i know what i plan on doing to "settle" in for the winter and get on track for the next two years. I figure... if its second shift... i'll basically be spending my week nights working... which is what i am hoping for. If it's third shift... then i'll really be spending my week nights working... but...until i know... i don't really know what my salary will be. I don't know how much i'll be able to save... how much i have for my bills... and so on... So, Tomorrow i start in the center which I'm nervous and excited about... mainly because i want to put some of the stuff that i learned into practice. I just hope i "make the cut" and can accomplish my goals.
In other news... there is a tropical storm or whats left of it... off the coast today. the winds are up and the sky is cloudy (even though the sun is peaking out right now). Yesterday i went do to beavertail to take some photos of the waves. Today would be a good day for that too but on the agenda today is to take and pass the VCP Foundations exam.... also to go to the gym... then... have dinner and read for the rest of the night. Tomorrow will come early and i want to be refreshed for my first official day of work.
In the last year... i have
Lost 20lbs
gotten a new job
visited my sister
ended a relationship
gotten a new car.
In the next year... i will
Lose 20lbs
Visit my sister
Gotten two IT Certifications
Started a relationship
and saved More than 10K
In other news... there is a tropical storm or whats left of it... off the coast today. the winds are up and the sky is cloudy (even though the sun is peaking out right now). Yesterday i went do to beavertail to take some photos of the waves. Today would be a good day for that too but on the agenda today is to take and pass the VCP Foundations exam.... also to go to the gym... then... have dinner and read for the rest of the night. Tomorrow will come early and i want to be refreshed for my first official day of work.
In the last year... i have
Lost 20lbs
gotten a new job
visited my sister
ended a relationship
gotten a new car.
In the next year... i will
Lose 20lbs
Visit my sister
Gotten two IT Certifications
Started a relationship
and saved More than 10K
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