So... for the first time in atleast a year, i broke through the 240lbs mark. I am now down to 235.6lbs. I am pretty happy about this because it has to be atleast a year since i was at this level. The fact i havent had any fast food during my lunch hours has probably helped alot. Also, when drinking, i have been limiting myself to only 3 drinks per night this week which likely also helped. Lastly, i have been doing my best this week not to snack after dinner, and considering on average this week i have only had one meal per day (dinner) with a few snacks (hashbrowns from DD or a protein bar) throughout the day, It seems that the weight is finally starting to come off. I will do my best to continue this trend going forward. For instance, i got my large iced coffee this morning with an order of hash browns, but instead of getting extra extra like i normally do i went with regular cream and sugar instead. Also, i have a protein bar in the car for when i go to lunch. I am pretty happy about this overall.
Smoking on the other hand... has been a losing battle this week. I think i went for 15 hours total without a cigarette but caved the instant i had the chance to have one. I will try again tomorrow... the plan is to wake up, take a shower, put on the patch... and try to ride out the rest of the weekend without smoking... then hopefully.. i'll be motivated to continue the work going into next week.
I didnt end up seeing my parents last night. originally i call to cancel because i was thinking i was going to work late, but instead i left work at my normal time and just went home. All i had for dinner last night was one Cheddar, Bacon, Bubba Burger. And i didn't have any snacks after the fact. Tonight, when i get home from work... i will be stopping to buy beer, but i will try to keep the amount i drink to just 3 or 4 beers. After dinner... i hope to work out for atleast a half hour, I have been slacking majorly on that this week so i am hoping i can start a new routine this weekend and carry it into next week. I am not quite sure yet what i am up to tomorrow. Part of me wants to put in some overtime, another part of me wants to clean the house, so, i will have to make a decision tomorrow morning as to what exactly i plan on doing for the day. I know sunday i am going down to my parents for lunch so we will see how that goes. Hopefully by then i am down another pound
Friday, January 29, 2016
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
It's going to be a good day.
So...
I'm at about hour... 13 without a cigarette. Last night wasnt to bad... the craving didnt really come because i went to bed early. However, this morning i feel out of sorts. Between a general fuzziness over my mental ability... a loud and errratic set of thoughts... and an irratibility that is without reason... it's kind of hard to move past. Today atleast... the whole day is going to be like this... that is... until i start to regain control of my mental abilities and gain the upperhand on a biological and chemical shit storm.
Here's to hoping i get through today without cracking... and tomorrow.
I'm at about hour... 13 without a cigarette. Last night wasnt to bad... the craving didnt really come because i went to bed early. However, this morning i feel out of sorts. Between a general fuzziness over my mental ability... a loud and errratic set of thoughts... and an irratibility that is without reason... it's kind of hard to move past. Today atleast... the whole day is going to be like this... that is... until i start to regain control of my mental abilities and gain the upperhand on a biological and chemical shit storm.
Here's to hoping i get through today without cracking... and tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
No Refund Yet....
So, the money i had been waiting on coming in hasnt come in yet. I am starting to give up hope on it. Rightly so, i guess i should make other plans for my expenses. It would have helped, but this being week six (out of a possible 7) i am not really expecting anything at this point. My best solution to my money problems is to see about putting in as much overtime as possible. Make's sense really... I am far more likely to be successful at putting money aside if i work for it rather than hoping its going to come out of the sky and rain down on me.
With all that said, i need to put some money aside for the next few weeks to purchase a new set of boots. My current ones have a crack at the sole and as a result whenever i walk through a puddle (or snow) i end up getting wet socks and cold feet. It's not very pleasant. But Boots are a job requirement so i need to think of a better solution. I could ask family to help out, but i'd prefer to do it on my own. My old boots also have holes in the soles so they wouldnt be a good alternative.
On the agenda today is completing as much as i can at work... and then going home and going shopping for food. I was supposed to do it yesterday but due to the fact that i worked late yesterday i didnt end up going. With that said, we are low on food at the house.
I think today is the day that i give up smoking for good. I have around a half a pack which i could easily kill before 2pm so i think i will give it a try. It doesnt hurt that i am extremely low on funds and cant actually afford to buy cigarettes. I don't think i have any patches in my car, however i will check when i go out on my lunch break. Gambling was the major addiction... and that's pasted, even if i am still having dreams about gambling every few days. Next thing to work on is smoking... and that will take some time to actually get over. Gambling took 3+ years so i'm not expecting a quick turn around when it comes to smoking. Drinking will be the last thing... but with that said drinking is not going to be a "quit for good" but rather go back to only socially drinking. I wouldnt say im an alcoholic... i dont drink when i get up in the morning, and i'm also capable of going to a bar and only having 1 or 2 beers. usually there is a money restriction in place when i go to bars, but thats not the biggest reason i limit myself when i'm out in public. It's more so that i dont want to throw up at a bar.
Exercise has taken a back seat lately but i will start working out more regularly. I have the gym setup in the basement so there is no excuse why i cant spend 20-60 minutes in the basement working out on any given day / night. Now actually getting into the gym to do my cardio is another story entirely. With that said... i need to lose 60lbs hopefully by my 31st birthday... which is just 10 1/2 months away. Hell... i'd be happy if i could crack 230lbs by spring. But it would mean a lifestyle change (cutting out drinking, no more fast food, no more snacking after dinner). One thing at a time i guess. Smoking is top priority.
With all that said, i need to put some money aside for the next few weeks to purchase a new set of boots. My current ones have a crack at the sole and as a result whenever i walk through a puddle (or snow) i end up getting wet socks and cold feet. It's not very pleasant. But Boots are a job requirement so i need to think of a better solution. I could ask family to help out, but i'd prefer to do it on my own. My old boots also have holes in the soles so they wouldnt be a good alternative.
On the agenda today is completing as much as i can at work... and then going home and going shopping for food. I was supposed to do it yesterday but due to the fact that i worked late yesterday i didnt end up going. With that said, we are low on food at the house.
I think today is the day that i give up smoking for good. I have around a half a pack which i could easily kill before 2pm so i think i will give it a try. It doesnt hurt that i am extremely low on funds and cant actually afford to buy cigarettes. I don't think i have any patches in my car, however i will check when i go out on my lunch break. Gambling was the major addiction... and that's pasted, even if i am still having dreams about gambling every few days. Next thing to work on is smoking... and that will take some time to actually get over. Gambling took 3+ years so i'm not expecting a quick turn around when it comes to smoking. Drinking will be the last thing... but with that said drinking is not going to be a "quit for good" but rather go back to only socially drinking. I wouldnt say im an alcoholic... i dont drink when i get up in the morning, and i'm also capable of going to a bar and only having 1 or 2 beers. usually there is a money restriction in place when i go to bars, but thats not the biggest reason i limit myself when i'm out in public. It's more so that i dont want to throw up at a bar.
Exercise has taken a back seat lately but i will start working out more regularly. I have the gym setup in the basement so there is no excuse why i cant spend 20-60 minutes in the basement working out on any given day / night. Now actually getting into the gym to do my cardio is another story entirely. With that said... i need to lose 60lbs hopefully by my 31st birthday... which is just 10 1/2 months away. Hell... i'd be happy if i could crack 230lbs by spring. But it would mean a lifestyle change (cutting out drinking, no more fast food, no more snacking after dinner). One thing at a time i guess. Smoking is top priority.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Monday Morning....
So, this past weekend was ok. I had to work on saturday and while i didnt actually do much while i was onsite, it felt like i was contributing. As a result of having to work, i went to bed rather early friday night. My usual... getting drunker than a skunk didnt really happen. I did that on saturday night instead. Yesterday, my mom came over the house for a few hours. She did laundry and we played some cards while we waited for it to get done. This morning, i actually woke up with my alarm. It went off at 6:00am and i hit the snooze... 6:30 though... i woke up and got out of bed, took a shower, warmed up my car, and came to work. I stopped for a coffee on the way in.
Quitting smoking has been harder than expected. I am happy to say that i have officially matured out and quit gambling though. Quitting smoking is the next item on the list of items to quit doing. Drinking, while it has increased over the last few months... i feel will be easier than quitting smoking. Smoking and drinking kind of go hand in hand but i see smoking as the worse offense. Mainly due to the amount of money it costs every week and also due to the long term effects on my health. I've been smoking for the better part of 13 years now... so if i want to reverse the damage done, i need to quit sooner than later. Honestly i think its time to quit.. But something keeps pulling me back into it. I think its because my identity has been linked to smoking for so long, that i dont know what i would do once i quit smoking.
One idea... is to take ten dollars a day (roughly what i spend on cigarettes) and put it aside in a savings account or in a bank at the house.
Quitting smoking has been harder than expected. I am happy to say that i have officially matured out and quit gambling though. Quitting smoking is the next item on the list of items to quit doing. Drinking, while it has increased over the last few months... i feel will be easier than quitting smoking. Smoking and drinking kind of go hand in hand but i see smoking as the worse offense. Mainly due to the amount of money it costs every week and also due to the long term effects on my health. I've been smoking for the better part of 13 years now... so if i want to reverse the damage done, i need to quit sooner than later. Honestly i think its time to quit.. But something keeps pulling me back into it. I think its because my identity has been linked to smoking for so long, that i dont know what i would do once i quit smoking.
One idea... is to take ten dollars a day (roughly what i spend on cigarettes) and put it aside in a savings account or in a bank at the house.
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
It's Cold in the North East
All things being considered, at least I'm not outside today. With the windchill factor it feels like its around 5 degrees outside. The winds are mighty today.
Overall my mind has been rather chaotic. I wasnt feeling well mentally or physically today so i have been working from home. The house is rather drafty so even with the heat on 67 my hands and feet are still cold. I may hop in the shower in a little while. I've recently setup an instagram account and while there isnt much on it... it gives for a little extra entertainment when scrolling through feeds on my phone. Recently, an old friend got in touch with me and her and i have been communicating for about a month now. It's good to talk to old friends.
Work wise things have been busy the first few weeks of the year. I think it was non stop for the last two weeks and well, i had yesterday off due to the holiday and today i'm home sick. The goal is to keep my head low and get my work done. Not that I'm in any trouble... but i feel like if i can just stay focused a bit longer i'll finally be getting ahead at my job. Raises come out in two weeks. I am hoping that mine is just a bit more than the amount i was told back in december. I've adjusted my taxes down to zero and increased my 401k up to 6%... while taking a hit on the week to week level has me scrambling to figure out how i'm going to make up the difference in pay... I know its for the best when next years taxes roll around and i end up getting back a decent refund. As for the 401k.... yeah... its 35 years away till retirement... but the more i can put away now while the market is down, the more i'll have when the market finally rebounds.
Health wise... i wish i could say things have improved but really they havent. I did buy a weight bench and set it up in the basement over the last month but motivation to go downstairs and workout has been lacking mainly due to lack of time... and the cold... The basement is heated, but its not exactly warm.
A cup of coffee did help warm me up. and.. its nearly 5pm and its still light out.... kinda.
On The agenda for tonight is taco's i think. Right now i'm listening to Explosions in the Sky on Spotify. I've always liked instrumental rock music and they are by far... the best at it.
I think the key to my happiness is all going to come down to just accepting life as it is... Not trying to rush or make any rash decisions without thinking through all of the options... and putting in perspective where i was 1, 2, and 5 years ago... in comparison to where i am now. And realizing that things have been much worse in the past and still i've managed to get through it. While that wont change my circumstances im in today, it may help me be more focused and centered for the challenges ahead. I would leave it in gods hands... but i know better than to have blind faith in a creator that may or may not exist.
The power of positive thinking is going to be what gets me out of this one... and overcoming my major fear of change. So often i've associated change with negative events... but really.. the good events happen due to change as well... its just that i dont think about them as often.
I think i am going to reread The Motivation Manifesto... It wasnt a bad read the last time i read it... and maybe this time something will hit me that didnt register before. I kinda dislike the fact that i've gotten to the point in my life where self help books are my regular reading material... but in truth... they are easy reads and all basically have the same message. I should probably get into some fiction....
Overall my mind has been rather chaotic. I wasnt feeling well mentally or physically today so i have been working from home. The house is rather drafty so even with the heat on 67 my hands and feet are still cold. I may hop in the shower in a little while. I've recently setup an instagram account and while there isnt much on it... it gives for a little extra entertainment when scrolling through feeds on my phone. Recently, an old friend got in touch with me and her and i have been communicating for about a month now. It's good to talk to old friends.
Work wise things have been busy the first few weeks of the year. I think it was non stop for the last two weeks and well, i had yesterday off due to the holiday and today i'm home sick. The goal is to keep my head low and get my work done. Not that I'm in any trouble... but i feel like if i can just stay focused a bit longer i'll finally be getting ahead at my job. Raises come out in two weeks. I am hoping that mine is just a bit more than the amount i was told back in december. I've adjusted my taxes down to zero and increased my 401k up to 6%... while taking a hit on the week to week level has me scrambling to figure out how i'm going to make up the difference in pay... I know its for the best when next years taxes roll around and i end up getting back a decent refund. As for the 401k.... yeah... its 35 years away till retirement... but the more i can put away now while the market is down, the more i'll have when the market finally rebounds.
Health wise... i wish i could say things have improved but really they havent. I did buy a weight bench and set it up in the basement over the last month but motivation to go downstairs and workout has been lacking mainly due to lack of time... and the cold... The basement is heated, but its not exactly warm.
A cup of coffee did help warm me up. and.. its nearly 5pm and its still light out.... kinda.
On The agenda for tonight is taco's i think. Right now i'm listening to Explosions in the Sky on Spotify. I've always liked instrumental rock music and they are by far... the best at it.
I think the key to my happiness is all going to come down to just accepting life as it is... Not trying to rush or make any rash decisions without thinking through all of the options... and putting in perspective where i was 1, 2, and 5 years ago... in comparison to where i am now. And realizing that things have been much worse in the past and still i've managed to get through it. While that wont change my circumstances im in today, it may help me be more focused and centered for the challenges ahead. I would leave it in gods hands... but i know better than to have blind faith in a creator that may or may not exist.
The power of positive thinking is going to be what gets me out of this one... and overcoming my major fear of change. So often i've associated change with negative events... but really.. the good events happen due to change as well... its just that i dont think about them as often.
I think i am going to reread The Motivation Manifesto... It wasnt a bad read the last time i read it... and maybe this time something will hit me that didnt register before. I kinda dislike the fact that i've gotten to the point in my life where self help books are my regular reading material... but in truth... they are easy reads and all basically have the same message. I should probably get into some fiction....
Sunday, January 3, 2016
New Years...
The New Year is here. I see what i want... and i know how to get there. Now it's just a matter of.. well.. getting there. I have no major complaints in life. I have a good job... nice car... place to live... food for dinner... and just enough disposable income to get into trouble. This coming year though, i will be changing my lifestyle. Go from a passive to a more aggressive attitude toward achieving my goals.
By this time next year... i hope to be in a very different place health wise. And financially i hope to be in a much better place.
By this time next year... i hope to be in a very different place health wise. And financially i hope to be in a much better place.
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