So... its finally here. I turn 30 this coming friday. There has been a bit of joking about my birthday being on a Friday the 13th, but really its happened in the past. turning 13 on friday the 13th was a bit cooler.
I come sliding into my 30's on my knees, bent over a set of unimaginable circumstances considering how i started my 20's. I would feel that i have matured a bit. I am not so caught up on the little things anymore... and my views on love and life have become a bit jaded due to some of the things that i have gone through. Overall though, it was a good ten years.
My life now is not what i would like it to be. There are many positives in my life... but the self doubt and self criticism of failing numerous times at many different things, has left me damaged. I hope to spend the next year working on several aspects of my physical and mental wellbeing. I need to make improvements now so that in the coming years i am better equiped to had the stresses of the day, as i can only assume they become worse as you get older. Inner peace.... its often thrown around but for a mind that is constantly in motion its something i hope to obtain sometime in the future.
My mental health has been steady lately... typically in and out focus during the busy times and a curious wonder during the slow times. I find i am becoming increasingly bored when i am at home... and my typical "head out to meet people" wont fly this time around due to budgetary constraints. I need to become comfortable in my new environment. Something that will only happen with the right amount of effort and time. The notion of keeping busy... is good... but it can be bad at the same time... i dont want to lose sight of the end game because if i do i fear a repeat of some of my darkest hours.
My physical health leaves much to be desired... I've been over weight since i was 23 and with the constant inhalation of cigarette smoke it leaves my body screaming for mercy. But... its nothing that i didn't consciously do to myself. what was orignally a defense mechanism for a dark truth... became an all consuming force. and now i need to repair the damage that took place over the last few years. I am quitting smoking on my birthday... and i am going to remain sober that day. No more drinking like im in my 20's, that shit will kill ya.
I'll try to write monthly from now on... More if i feel inspired or there is something major to report. As it stands now... i have roughly 6-9 months worth of work to do on my physical well being... about 1 year on my financial front... and hopefully... less than 5 years to work on my mental health. Things are not what i want them to be... i expected to be married, with a kid, and a house and a good job. I have the job... and technically im living in a house even though it isnt mine... but the goals i really wish i had accomplished were the wife and kid. With that said though... if it isnt in the cards... theres nothing i can do about that.
My Focus... in my 30's... will be:
Financial Stablity
Mental Strength
and
Physically ability
First you get the money... then you get the power... then you get the women. - Scar Face
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