Late Night

It's late... after 1:30am... i have to get out of bed and be ready for work in less than 5 1/2 hours. I'm not sure why i decided to stay up this late... i just know that I'm up and wide awake. Today (friday) may not be the "best day" mentally.. but i will power through none the less. A lot has happened in the last few weeks. I finally got assigned my shift. 4pm to midnight monday though friday. It was the shift i was hoping for so I'm pretty excited about that. I will be making 15% more thanks to the shift differential and by all standards thats a damn good salary. I don't know if the monthly bonus is based on the differential or the base pay... but none the less a bonus is a bonus so I'm not about to complain. Last weekend things took a turn for the worst in a lot of ways. I went out friday night and lets just say... it didn't end well. At this point... I've given up drinking "almost" entirely. When i go to the bar thats closest to my house... i've been getting soda... water and food this week... And tonight i ventured to my other drinking spot and after a bit of running around with a friend... i got a couple of odouls. Honestly... its not the best beer i ever drank... but consider how the last 4 months have gone... i'll take it if it means being social with people i know at the bar. That was one of the fears about giving up drinking... that i would lose the social aspect of going out and seeing people.. but my fears have been abolished by several good friends that helped reassure me that people like me whether I'm drinking or not... and the fact that its possible to go out and have a good time without getting shitty is a boost. I'll probably go back to... say... a bud light... within a month. but i won't be going down the road of shots or high ABV any time soon. Also... on nights when i do plan on drinking more than just odouls and water... i'll get an uber to and from the locations. I know uber isn't that expensive on off nights... and also... since I'm going to be working second shift... i won't be drinking during the week... or doing much else of anything that has an effect on my mental state.

The plan... as i see it... is wake up early... 9-11 in the morning everyday.... go about my business... doctors appointments... massages... auto maintenance.... that sort of thing... then head of to work... work my shift... and after work go to the gym for an hour or two to tire myself out... then head home... take my pills... and head to sleep. and repeat. I won't be spending nearly as much money during the week... and i'll likely cut down on smoking too as a result. I'll definitely be cutting out the random thirsty thursdays... and friday nights will go from "bar hopping" to work oriented. saturdays will still start off much the same... going to get brunch at my cousins... and then from saturday afternoon until sunday night i'll be free to do whatever i want... then come monday morning... wake up... make dinners for the week... and then head to work once its time for my shift.

I really want to do this... make the change... i want to have enough money saved up in my account by the end of the year that i can actually get people decent gifts this year. I also want to have enough money... so that if i owe anything in taxes i won't be completely fucked... My bills will go down soon enough... and i know at this point I'm better off saving up the money and dropping a large sum on my credit cards than i am putting small chunks on it every month that cut into my spending cash because then i just end up using the credit cards again. the ultimate goal is to be debt free within 2 years... i have roughly 35k in debt right now between my car, student loans, and credit cards... and i figure that given my total yearly income it should be possible to get rid of it all within that time frame. Then... its a matter of how well i've built myself at my company... whether or not I'm in a relationship... and whether or not i plan on staying in rhode island long term... that i'll probably look toward buying a house or condo. I know that come this march i'll probably have to find a place to live as my roommate is planning on selling in the spring... I know the type of apartment i want to get into... and i feel that by that point my credit cards will be paid off so all i have to worry about is my car and student loans... this will free up enough money for me to afford the type of place i want to live in.

Health wise i've seen better weeks... tonight was probably the upward climb back to good health. I got sick saturday... slept about 22 hours... and didn't feel like doing anything... basically my sinuses were completely clogged on one side... and i felt miserable... by monday night it moved from my sinuses down to my chest... and breathing and smoking weren't the easiest of tasks... however... i bought meds so it wasn't so bad. Tuesday i went to the gym after eating dinner and that felt really good. I did 30 minutes on the tread mill... walking 3.0 mph... with a heart rate of 145 the entire time... i was dripping in sweat by the time i finished... but when i weighed myself wednesday morning i had crossed back over the 230lb mark... I'm hoping i can remain their. Wednesday night i stayed home.... had a burger on the grill and went to the near by bar to bug a bar tender... it was funny though... because i spent more time talking to her dad than i did her... by 9:30 though i can home... made a budget... and got ready for today... Today i feel ok... i've had a dull headache for most of the day but it has since left. I think it might be the increase in soda.... or just sinus pressure that is remaining from the beginning of the week. Now though... the head ache is gone and i just can't sleep... i don't know if its going to be worth trying... but in about 10 minutes thats exactly what I'm going to do.

The weekend ahead looks like it should be fun. If nothing else... tomorrow night my buddy is playing a show and i haven't seen them play since they got back from their break so i plan on stopping in there... as for saturday... i'll probably do the usual brunch at my cousins.. Earlier in the week a friend had reached out to me and she sounded like she was going through a rough patch. We "sort of" made plans from saturday night so i am hoping that i hear from her. If not... I'm sure i'll find something to do. Sunday... my roommate was talking about going down to one of his friends to watch the game and i may tag along. Of course... anything is possible so what i think will happen now... may turn out completely different... hopefully for the better though.