Friday Afternoon.... July 1st

Today is a good day.     |
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Fourth of July weekend. I have a lot going on this weekend, but with no real time table or agenda. I know tomorrow i am going with a friend to a family cook out. It will be interesting because my parents won't be there because they are on vacation. Sunday, there is a pig roast at my cousins bar that i may go to depending on how i fair tomorrow night... and monday, i hope to be a bit patriotic visiting someone deep in the heart of the american forests. I am not yet sure where i want to go monday but i know i want to be disconnected with the world... without technology or any form of "advanced" tools. I want to put myself in the time and place of the people that wandered the woods of New England centuries ago... I want to know what it was like to be "alone and afraid," lost in my own thoughts and getting to some deep truths about myself that i have been conflicted over for a while now. Basically... i want to figure out why i do a rather than b... in a very logical and general sense. Between who i was and who i am... it's hard to determine my motivations sometimes. Often it comes down to a social sense... having grown up on the internet... and her basically being my sole focus for so long... i find that i can't talk to many women... the way i would if it were through a digital source. As if the internet filtering my thoughts some how makes it "ok" to talk the way i do... mean while in normal every day social situations i'm often quiet and keeping to myself unless there is a conversation that i overhear which peaks my interest and i can have something relevant to say.... Or when friends are around... i will converse with them and usually, for the most part, be able to contribute something thought provoking. However... in the groups that i typically see in social situations that are separate groups... the people usually keep to themselves and i keep to myself. Buddhism cause that the "master" because the master is always watching... However... by watching... most often i am made a fool by the fools. It's rather disheartening but it is what it is.

I think a general disconnection from the human race... somewhere foreign and isolated would be really good for me to experience before i head back into work life. i think the deep woods of northern New England would be a good place to head to Monday and i'll probably be back Tuesday or Wednesday. They say only 1/3 of humanity can see the milky way at night... i hope to be a part of that 1/3 if only for a night.


With that being said... I think i'm gonna sign off for the weekend.

Happy Fourth Everyone!